The “why I do what I do” document (in response to an “eff you” email)

Early Tuesday morning I received this email…

"Are you serious with this spam email?!? There’s a pandemic! I lost my home AND job! Fuck off & don’t send me anymore emails!!!!”

It was in response to an email asking for feedback for why people didn’t buy the Coaches Accelerator, a promotion I was running last week.

While this is definitely the worst email I’ve gotten in all my time as a coach and business owner, it’s not the first critical email.

I’ve actually nicknamed them “hater” emails.

For several years I resisted putting myself out there for fear of receiving emails or social media comments like this one.

I see a lot of coaches who struggle with the same fear. That fear of sharing your ideas and having pushback from others in some way.

And I wish I could tell you that after 5 years of putting myself out there, emails like this one don’t affect me anymore.

Unfortunately, as a sensitive empath that is just not the case.
(My mom used to tease me saying that all someone had to do was look at me cross-eyed and I’d burst into tears. And there’s some truth to it.)

Maybe you can relate?

On Tuesday morning after reading the email, I sat there for about an hour trying to figure out what to do.

Should I reply and apologize? Should I offer her a free call?

Round and round. My mind was definitely churning.

What I ended up doing was nothing.

You may not agree with me on this, but I decided to do nothing for several reasons.

First, she specifically told me to not send her anymore emails. By doing nothing I’m honoring her wishes.

Second, and more importantly, I realized that any response from me would be my attempt to feel better. Because I hate conflict of any kind. I’m a warm-hearted, caring coach who pretty much wants to make everyone happy and have no enemies.  🙂

Third, by not responding, it’s actually a huge growth opportunity for me to let someone else’s response be their own.  And to truly realize that her response has nothing to do with me. I got dozens of positive responses from my email that will help me make my courses and coaching that much better for the people who need them.

Finally, I didn’t want to condone bad behavior. While my heart definitely goes out to her and her situation, by offering her an apology or a free call, I’m basically saying “Hey, it’s okay to treat me with disrespect.”

I tell you all of this because if you put yourself out there you will get the occasional “hater” email.

I don’t think there is anyone out there who has said “Hey, here’s who I am and here’s how I can help you” who has escaped the occasional critic.

But I also want to share that if this super sensitive empath can survive a “fuck off” email, you can handle any critic that comes your way.

And for every critical comment or email I’ve received, I’ve received hundreds of positive responses.

Which brings me to a wonderful tip I learned from my son on Friday.

He also owns his own business and he has been keeping a document full of positive feedback he’s received from clients and others.

And so I decided to start collecting all of the positive feedback I’ve received (and hopefully will keep receiving) into a document I’ve named, “Why I do what I do” as a reminder that I’m doing good work and helping others.

I thought I’d share the idea with you in case you find it useful. Even if you haven’t started officially coaching yet, you can still fill it with positive things friends and family members have told you. And then add to it as you start helping more and more clients and people in your community.

And maybe even read through it every morning (my plan), to make sure you set your day on the right note — feeling loved, knowing you're living your purpose, and being of service to others.

I hope this blog post serves you (and hasn’t scared you off from putting yourself out there).  😉

With love & joy,

Selena

P.S. Is there someone in your life who could benefit from reading this post? Why not share this with them?


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