I woke up to another terrible outreach email yesterday.

But rather than delete it like I usually do…

I thought it’d be good for us to dissect it.

So YOU can avoid making these mistakes (unlike this guy)

Here’s a screenshot of the first bit: 

First off:

The email is to ‘Undisclosed recipients.’ 

Basically, what this means is he sent the email to himself and BCC’d everyone else. So he doesn’t even pretend he’s sending it directly to me. 

DELETE.

There’s no personalized greeting. 

Here’s the thing. If he found me on Instagram, he could have easily grabbed my first and last name. It’s on my account. It would have taken 10 seconds to copy and paste it into his email software. 

And there’s plenty of tools that let you send out personalized emails to a group of people at once. But he didn’t even do that.

Generic content

Even if he had sent a personalized email directly to me and put my name in the greeting, the first sentence would have given me a red flag…

“I saw you offered coaching services when I came across one of your posts on Instagram.”

Which post? Be specific. Show me that you actually did a tiny bit of research to see if we’re a good fit to do business together. 

Sounding a bit creepy

Now this is probably just me being female and having to deal with the occasional creeper throughout my life, but this phrase…

“After checking you out online…”

Does not make me want to learn more. At all. 

Asking for a “date” before introducing yourself

“I thought I should reach out and would like to take this conversation further, hopefully via a phone/zoom call in the near future.”

Uhh… what conversation? He emailed me out of the blue. I have no idea who he is and now he’s telling me he'd like to take the conversation “further”. 

Why? What’s my incentive to meet with you? As it stands, he’s provided zero value or context to me and now would like to take some more of my time. 

No thanks.

Now, I don’t mean to pick on this particular person. He’s just the unlucky one who gets to be my example because he showed up in my inbox this morning. 

Reaching out to people you don’t know can be a good way to drum up interest. Very successful businesses do it all the time. 

But you have to do it right. Otherwise, it’s a waste of your time and theirs. 

So now that we know what NOT to do. Let’s see what he could have done instead:

To: Selena Tramayne

Subject: I loved your Instagram post, [Name of Instagram Post]

Hi Selena, 

I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I really loved what you wrote about [whatever it is that caught his interest besides the fact that I’m a coach]. 

That post led me to a bunch of others. I really loved your point of view on [specific topic]. I bet it’s hugely helpful to your audience of [ideal community]. 

Just thought I’d reach out and let you know you’ve got a fan. 

Best,
NAME

Notice how I didn’t ask for a “date” in this first email? 

Most people who receive an email that shows appreciation for their hard work are most likely going to respond with at least a thank you. 

That’s certainly better than responding with an eye roll and a click with the delete key. 

When the person responds with a thank you is when you have the opportunity to continue the conversation further and see if it leads to a phone or Zoom chat. 

Yes, it takes a bit more research and time on your part, but you have a much better chance of getting a response back.